Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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