Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
