i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
