I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
