the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
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