Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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