just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
