I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
