i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
