I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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