Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
