I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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