The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
