he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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