I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
