Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
