I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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