paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize