shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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