I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
