Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize