whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
