i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
