you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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