.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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