Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
