Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
