Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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