Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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