Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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