You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
