Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
