Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
