last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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