Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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