My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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