he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
