my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
