Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
