Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
