Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
