I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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