My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
