Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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