she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
