Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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