went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize