Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
