everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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