This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize