and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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