dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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