On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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