We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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