At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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