my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
