so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
