just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
