i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
