I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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