You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
