We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
