GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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