never play flip cup with pint glasses
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
