Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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