You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
