His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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